Written With A Knife
by HuntressOfTheStrange
Summary: One-shot! Rachel has finally had enough, but she's not leaving without some final goodbyes. Suicidal themes so be warned. Faint Puckleberry.


**Written With A Knife**

**A/N: So this didn't turn out how I wanted it to but oh well. Read and Review!**

**Warnings: Suicide, some of it could be considered bashing. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my morbid imagination :3**

* * *

_**No one talks to her, she feels so alone  
She's in too much pain to survive on her own  
The hurt she can't handle overflows to a knife  
She writes on her arm and wants to give up her life  
Each day she goes on is a day that she's brave  
Fighting the lie that giving up is the way  
Each moment of courage her on life she saves  
When she throws the pills out a hero is made  
Heroes are made when you make a choice**_** -****Hero : Superchick**

* * *

Twelve pieces of lilac paper were spread around the room in strategic places. Two on the amp in the corner, folded in half and two names written in perfect calligraphy. _Artie _and _Puck. _

One poking out between two symbols of the drum set. _Finn._ Three placed in the exact middle of the last three chairs in the back row. _Brittney, Santana _and _Quinn. _Four folded on top of the first four chairs in the front row. _Mercedes, Sam, Tina _and _Mike. _

Lastly there were two placed on the piano. _Kurt _and_ . _

* * *

Rachel sobbed loudly as she turned on the tap to the small bathtub in her own little bathroom. She sighed to herself as she sat on the edge and picked up the piece of sky coloured paper. The ink blotched as she attempted to finish her last letter to her fathers.

Her fathers who loved her more than anything in the world but could never actually _be _there. She knew it was selfish of her, it was _disgusting _of her when they were away to save lives. Those late shifts had saved many people and she felt so horrible for wanting them there.

* * *

_Dear Dad and Daddy,_

_I love you more than anything in the world. You provided everything I ever wanted and supported my dreams. I know I have probably broken your hearts but you have each other, you don't need me anymore. I hope you find happiness again. I love you._

_Forever and always._

_Your little Star xx_

* * *

They all sat in a circle, trying not to look each other in the eyes but not able to look away. The faint scent of lavender attached to the paper bringing tears to their eyes. Only Mr Schuester had read his note, the rest to scared after witnessing Mr Schue cry.

"I'll go first, I mean what's the worst RuPaul could say. She probably just having another of her diva fits." Santana broke the silence, not even coming close to Rachel's note.

* * *

_Dear Santana Lopez,_

_I do sincerely hope you are proud. Your self-proclaimed Unholy trinity is the reason for this. Why did you always feel the need to undermine me? Insult me? I hope you realise what you have done and that you never do it again. Maybe this is the kick in the ass you need to realise how much you hurt and anger everyone around you. Stop it._

_What about Brittney? The whole school knows you are in love with her, so why not do something about it? Brittney is one of the kindest, most loving people I have ever met and truthfully she deserves better than you. But for some inexplicable reason she loves you too._

_Do something about it._

_Rachel Berry*_

* * *

Rachel wiped her eyes before grabbing an array of make up from her dressing and haphazardly dropping them on her bathroom counter. She first picked up the compact face powder and a thick brush to start grazing over her cheeks.

If Rachel Berry was going leave this world, she would leave looking like the star she had always wanted to be.

* * *

_Dear Mike,_

_I never really talked to you. I had hoped that we would one day be friends, we both have a passion for dance, though I must admit you are marginally better._

_I will always remember being in 4th grade, you were in the same class. You stopped David from punching me for spilling his grape drink. I will always be thankful for that, no matter how long ago it was. _

_I hope you and Tina have a bright future together, you fit like puzzle pieces and I envy that._

_Never give up your passion for dancing, no matter who opposes it._

_Rachel Berry *_

* * *

Everyone was silent in the choir room. Almost everyone had realised the contents of these notes would be similar, all final goodbyes. Only Quinn was in denial and everyone was quickly losing sympathy for.

"She wouldn't actually go through with it." Quinn scoffed, not believing for one second that Man hands would actually kill herself. She was just fishing for attention, since Finn no longer wanted her.

"What does yours say then?" Puck asked crossly, already teetering on the edge of just running for his little Jewish princess.

* * *

_Lucy Quinn Fabray,_

_What ever happened to Lucy? I prefer her to Quinn. Lucy was honest, kind and beautiful in the most important is manipulative, deceitful and purposely hurts those around her. Why?_

_Quinn did this to me, not Lucy. Quinn ruined my soul with hurtful slurs and comments, small pushes and immature pictures. I remember Lucy, the proud little girl who would never harm a person in the ways that Quinn would._

_Your mistakes will catch up with you and when that time comes I hope that you will let Lucy back in. You are much like Puck in that regard, but he lets Noah out when he wants to while you locked Lucy away in the hopes of never seeing her again._

_Let Lucy out, it is all that will save you now._

_Rachel Berry *_

* * *

Her hands shook as she swiped the mascara brush over her eyelashes in a perfect curve. She then flicked the cap off of her favourite red lipstick and covered her lips in the colour.

Rachel leaned over the side of the bathtub to turn off the taps before leaving the bathroom and walking into her mildly large closet. She picked up the bag she had purchased the week before and placed it on her bed before slipping down into her parents bathroom and stealing one of her dads razors. It was almost time.

* * *

_Dear Mercedes,_

_I never really knew you particularly well but I hope you have a happy future. You deserve those solos that I took and your voice is the soul of our group. Let the diva out but don't let her push everyone away, you don't need to end up like me._

_Don't let anyone take that away from you._

_Rachel Berry*_

* * *

_Dear Brittney,_

_You are the brightest star I've ever seen. You see the world in a way no one else does and have no time for people who don't believe. I hope your find your happiness and know that I never blamed you for this. If Santana is your happiness, fight for her. You deserve so much better but I know love is never easy. I miss our friendship, we used to be so close until high school when popularity got in the way._

_I hope you get into Juilliard, you have a true talent for dance so don't let anyone take that away from you._

_Your little Unicorn *_

* * *

_Dear Tina,_

_I wish you could stand up for yourself when Kurt and Mercedes go on their have a beautiful voice, if a little on the soft side. I hope you and Mike are very happy together._

_Have fun._

_Rachel Berry *_

* * *

Rachel unbuttoned her shirt and shimmied out of her shorts. She put on her favourite underwear and opened the bag. Inside was a small red dress that she had seen many times in the shop window but never bought for how short it was.

She pulled it over her head, grabbed the razor and headed into the bathroom.

* * *

_Dear Artie,_

_I don't think we have ever had a full conversation. Even so I did not appreciate your blind acceptance of the 'Run Joey Run' debacle. I admit it was my fault but you could have stopped me, could have said no to filming it. Why didn't you?_

_Saying that I never blamed you for any of this, and I hope you find your happiness after Brittney. I know you must have realised that it is only a matter of time before she leaves you for Santana, and truthfully I think it will do her good._

_Keep those wheels turning ;)_

_Rachel Berry *_

* * *

_Mr Schuester,_

_You had big dreams that were never fulfilled, much like are a great teacher and a good friend but you were a terrible director. You stood by as they tore me down and only said anything when it bordered on physical violence. Your yourself tore me down through snide remarks and small victories, you heard my voice but never listened._

_Now everyone can listen._

_Rachel Berry *_

* * *

_Dear Kurt,_

_We are so alike its no wonder we were close. Even if you could not stand me most of the time, you were there when it were my best friend and my worst enemy. I love you and I will never forget you._

_Dream big and do bigger._

_Your Barbara *_

* * *

Puck was almost tearing his note to shreds. Finn was in much the same position and Puck just wanted to knock him out. _She wouldn't want that. _That annoying little voice in his head whispered, the voice he had tried to convince himself was not _Noah. _He abhorred to Noah, the very idea of him disgusted Puck.

But he would not let his sweet Caroline die, not today, not ever.

* * *

_Dear Finn,_

_I hope you know I absolutely loathe your very being. You played me and Quinn against each other, wanting to keep your perfect life. I hope it runs down the drain. You made my dreams so big only to crush them down with sweet nothings and whispered words. _

_Who is the real Lima loser here Finn?_

_Rachel Berry *_

* * *

Finn sobbed as he ripped his note into little pieces. He could not believe he had done this, he never thought she would leave him like this. She couldn't, he wouldn't let her. But as he looked around the choir room he realised something. It wasn't his choice anymore.

As Puck ran out of the room it spurred everyone else into action. Phones appeared and they all started to feel a tiny sliver of hope, maybe they could catch her in time, maybe they wouldn't be too late.

* * *

Rachel carefully slipped into the bathtub, the water burning her skin. She held the razor in her Right hand as her left clutched the porcelain side with anxiety and a sudden nervousness.

She felt tears slide down her cheeks as she raised her left arm and placed the razor at the crook of her elbow. Rachel pushed down until she felt the first ruby droplets rain down and moved the razor across her arm. Crimson splashed at the bath water, turning it pink while growing darker by the second. As soon as the razor hit her palm she switched hands and attempted to repeat the process with her right arm. Her hand shook as she grew dizzier and dizzier.

"Please don't do this Rae." The soft shout shook her from her thoughts. Rachel hadn't even heard the front door open. Her bathroom door clashed open as Noah stared down at her with tears dripping down his cheeks.

"I'm so tired Noah. It's time for me to sleep." Rachel managed to choke out with a lazy smile. "Please don't Rae, I need you." Noah mumbled as he struggled to get his phone from his back pocket.

"No you don't, silly." Was all that was heard before Rachel's eyes fluttered and paramedics flooded through the door.

* * *

_Always and forever, my gentle Noah. No matter what._

_Your Sweet Caroline xxx_


End file.
